I create my existence through change

Every new day is another chance to change your life

2012-02-01T06:28:00.003+08:00

Wha, bitch please.
Know your place man.
Qian bian.
Act yi ge innocent onlyyyyyy >:(

*

Not gonna get my heart broken anymore ^__^ Swore on my life a couple years back. If it gets even close to being broken, SUCK IT UP AND WALK AWAY. I may be a lovesick/crushsick puppy for most parts of my life, but hell noooo. Manning up!!!

2012-01-30T23:04:00.001+08:00

Hey babe, you have better things to do.
Better people to meet.
Better ones for you.
Get a move on.
Life won't wait.

2012-01-30T01:54:00.003+08:00

Okay, last night was eventful. Workout down the drain, that's for sure.

It was Kim's birthday and she invited us over for a pre-lash and a night out to Newcastle. Was awkward. I don't know why the English's (or caucasians in general) idea of fun is DRINKING DRINKING AND DRINKING. i get bored drinking. or maybe it's the people... ya but anyway, it was lame. but the lousiana shit lorna got was bloody subtly strong and i was hammered by the time we got to newcastle. all i saw in that lousy pub/club that kim's bf's cousins brought us to was the toilet, the bar and the floor (where i very discretely puked on, no one knew hahaha). lorna ushered me out and we got our asses in a cab (FUCK EXPENSIVE) and back to the durham bubble. sadly, i puked on myself in the cab and the driver was like 'if you guys vomit in my cab, it's gonna be 80pounds.' ya, i cringed in my drunken state and very strategically directed incoming vomit on my chest instead... and once we got off the cab, WE RAN FOR THE HOUSE HAHAHA. i only got some stuff on the seat la, it wasn't like really bad or anything but just in case. im so thankful for lorna man. my angmoh best friend.

so the moral of this story is, don't have yogurt and granola before a night out.
nasty stuff.

2012-01-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

2012-01-29T03:13:00.002+08:00

Tmr marks the end of week 2 for the workout regime i picked up. Weight still the same :( 500g lighter doesn't really count right? :( But anyway, weight is about the same, but fat ratio definitely gone down. Like at the beginning i could squeeze SO MUCH FAT from my tummy that it made me want to slap myself. Ya, but i'm glad to say hard work does pay off.. and i've got rid of quite a bit off my mid-section. Still LOTS OF ROOM for improvement!! JIGGY YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

2012-01-26T01:48:00.001+08:00

I would marry:
Sashimi
Cupcakes
Someone who bakes cupcakes
Fisherman
Owner of a Japanese restaurant
Ryan Gosling

2012-01-25T21:07:00.001+08:00

It's nice to feel wanted by someone, isn't it?

You know what's my favourite thing about living out?
I can sit naked in my room, walk out of the bathroom bare-skinned and dripping wet.. likeaboss.
& no one will walk in without knocking :)

Not gonna forget

2012-01-24T22:48:00.001+08:00

I'm so happy that i have all of you.

2012-01-23T07:37:00.002+08:00

Just got back not long ago from our Chinese New Year event. It was okay.. though there's much room for improvement. On my part, i think i could have handled some things a lot better, but still.. i think i fulfilled what was asked of me. I'm not really satisfied with HER performance. I mean, you are technically the representative of our society, so shouldn't you at least show your face for like... most part of the event? Aiya, i don't know la.

And honestly, maybe cause I'm too picky or what, but Singaporeans here are just... different. I would think maybe i find it hard to get along with people because I already have a group of friends that I can rely on, so i don't find the need to get that close to new friends. But i don't think it's the case anymore. I've met new friends whom i can get along with and who i can say are people i'll be close to for the next decade.. but people here, they'll be gone from my life as soon as i graduate. Not the kind that i would keep in contact with, not the kind that i would say, 'hey, let's meet up and catch up!' I'm just talking about the Singaporeans here. People who grew up in the same environment, who were immersed in the same culture, but regardless, so very different.

It's so sad. And i do try, but we are all of different natures that don't match that well. I mean, we all get along but not swimmingly well.

Aiya. Pek chek. Just dampened my mood. I really wanted a cigarette just now (i know, becoming a bad habit) because i felt so FUUUUUUUUUU. I know, i know, I'm not going to. I replaced it with a glass of red wine. Calming my nerves. I think working out really does improve your mood. Really wanna work out now just to sweat all these emotions out.

I wanna spend chinese new year with people i love :( Jiggy, just 1.5 more years and you'll be out of here!! These 3 years will no doubt be one of the best experiences of my life, but I can't stand being away from my friends and family.

2012-01-21T19:55:00.001+08:00

When I wake up, I can only think of one thing.

When I go to bed, I can only think of one thing.

Bite my head off, will you?

Fuck the distance

2012-01-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

You would think that after finding myself in the same situation for the THIRD FUCKING TIME, i would be more used to it. But nooo. I still hate this feeling. HATE IT TTM :( It's so torturous. And every night, you go to bed thinking that love conquers all, love will win, love this, love that.. but in all honesty, sometimes it doesn't.

Life is unpredictable.
Shit happens.

And when they do, just suck it up and move on.

I'd like to think there are many fishes in the ocean.
But i worry. And i feel stupid that I'm worried, because I'm still YOUNG.

:(

2012-01-19T04:57:00.002+08:00

Been working out consecutively for the past five days.. but i think the first 3 don't count because the cardio program i was following was really a walk in the park (not trying to be cocky or what, but it honestly was). just started on a new program yesterday and so far, i'm really enjoying it :) not gonna bother too much about calorie counting, but i'm watching what i eat. had way too much junk food last year.. cookies, cakes, chocolates etc. every single week without any sign of control. not gonna be the case this term! 2months, 8 weeks, i'm gonna work my butt off and this time i really really mean it.

is it easier if you don't put a label on it?

2012-01-18T18:02:00.001+08:00

Good morning!

2012-01-16T15:46:00.001+08:00

It's 7:45am and apparently, -2degrees outside. I need warmth.

Back in Durham

2012-01-16T07:10:00.002+08:00

Wonder when Durham became reality and SG became a dream..

Anyhows, been back for a couple of days now.. and school starts tomorrow. Feels like I never left, and yet when i look back at the well-spent month... wish i could be back where i was. Funny how things are right now. Funny how different I am from who i was before.

We were talking about the good ol days, and i know how big a hypocrite I am. I complain about people being mean to me, making me a social outcast when i was younger.. but I've done the same to quite a few people as well. Sigh. Jiggy, you were honestly a real bitch when you were younger. You thought you were nice and friendly and whatever, but you were a mean girl. Mean and arrogant. Don't be that person ever again, and make sure your kids don't either okay?

You lucky your friends didn't kick you aside okay. Ya ya, i love all of you many many ^__^ muacks

Yeah, I talk to myself a lot when I'm home HAHA.

*

I wanna say, hey let's give this a shot man!
And the more logical part of me is like.. yo dude, seriously? you wanna fall into this shithole again? SERIOUSLY? Wake up your idea leh xiao jie. IT WON'T WORK!

Hmm, who's to know right?

*

I know i talk a lot of bull.
I said i wanted to lose weight since like for-fucking-ever and i never did.
THIS TIME I WILL!!! I MUST!!!
At least 5kg in 2 months.
(so i'll look fucking awesome and that asshole will totally eat me up... with ketchup of course HAHAHA jokes)

Ya ya, i should be losing it for my own sake.. but my willpower is weak as hell, and I don't motivate myself enough, so this is actually a awesome form of motivation.

"I'll give you six minutes, one for each pack."
Haha, okay la.. not gonna go that far.

2012

2012-01-08T10:09:00.003+08:00

Another new year awaits us!

2011 wasn't the best, neither was it the worst.. but it was definitely life-changing. I got to do many things I never thought I would ever do, and I am extremely thankful. My family isn't exactly rich, but I have a mother who is really hardworking and loving. She does all she can to make all of our dreams come true. I am where I am today because of her. She gave me the chance to go after my dreams and to see the world. Thank you mummy. I am eternally grateful and forever indebted to you. I won't fail you.

2011 milestones:
1. I TRAVELED!
Paris, Italy, Greece and Spain.
I got to see many places that I've always dreamed of seeing.. and there are many more on my list. Germany, I'm definitely heading your way this year!

2. Durham
Ended my 1st year in Durham... Honestly, my grades weren't great. They were really disappointing actually. I'm really hoping that i'll do a whole lot better this year with anthropology out of the way (i don't like studying kinship systems.. wtf boring) and sofar.. based on the grades I've gotten for my formative work (WHY FORMATIVE?!!), I'm doing really well. So fingers crossed that the quality of work i produce for my formative works will be suffice for summatives!

Grades aside, in terms of my social well-being.. I was pretty much a recluse for the better part of the year. I kept to myself a lot, I didn't really like going out and I was homesick for most of the time. Miserable, really really miserable.

My 2nd year started off pretty well. Most of the people i hang out with now are the ones I am comfortable with. I can be myself with them, even though i still hold back a lot of who i really am, but i think they bring out a different side of me that's more understanding and compassionate. They made me love Durham. I love my house and I'm glad to say that I have two homes now.

So in a nutshell, I hated the UK for many reasons in my 1st year.. and I've made a lot of progress now. I'll definitely miss the UK when i leave, and i may end up going back again.. who knows? If everything goes according to plan, I might set foot there again.

3. Pintia, Spain
July 2011 is one of the best experience of my life, probably THE best.
I got to meet people from America, Australia, New Zealand and Spain. Before I went, I was scared as fuck because the English I've met till then weren't the nicest or realest people in the world. What if they were the same? And if they were, i have to spend a WHOLE FUCKING MONTH with them. But they were all amazing (well, most of them anyway..) and I got to say, Pintia was the best decision I made in 2011.

Apart from the fact that they were all physically beautiful, they taught me to live with a more carefree attitude. The first few days, I kept to myself and it honestly took the fun out of a lot of things. And me being me, I only started to open up after a night of drunkass fun (which i ruined when i started bawling... fuck you nerves!). All the people I've met there are now my family and I couldn't be happier.

They taught me how to love and how to live.

4. Relationships
I spent a better part of the year hating myself because I didn't have the courage. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused... but that was one of the unhappiest points of my life that was all my fault. Not anyone, just me. I didn't mean to drag anyone down with me, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I can't say how sorry I am, but that's the only thing I can say.

I met someone new now.. or should i say, I've known him forever, i just started to like him recently. He's the dude version of me.. except he is way more annoying on every level. Nothing is defined yet, we're just hanging out but who knows, right? 2011 taught me to take chances, and from those chances.. there were quite a number that were bad bad bad decisions, and most of those bad decisions were made because i followed my heart... so yeah, don't always follow your heart because it's way too optimistic and lacks logic.

Here's my resolutions for 2012
1. Think more with your mind, not your heart.. because sofar, your heart has shown to make bad choices.
2. Exercise more. Please at least go back to your original fatty weight and not your fatass weight now.
3. Don't harp on what you lack, instead remember and be thankful for all that you have.
4. STUDY HARDER!
5. Make more effort to look after your body... eat and drink better!
6. Maybe blog a little more?
7. Don't dwell on things. Just suck it up and move on.

2011-12-22T00:59:00.002+08:00

Everyone's hurt. Everyone's tired. It adds a dramatic spark into our mundane routines. It's a neverending battle. A bottomless pit of deceit and hate.

I wallowed in this pit for quite a bit, and then i slowly pulled myself nearer to the surface, taking baby steps. Now, I'm possibly still knee deep in this obsessive pit.

From now on, you don't exist.
I won't ever talk about you again.
I won't ever try to find out any news about you again.
From now you, you are dead to me.

2011-12-22T00:10:00.002+08:00

I was really angry at first when I heard it. FUMINGLY MAD.

Now, I'm still pretty pissed, but not as much as before.

Why?
I don't understand why.
I want to ask, I want to confront her but somehow, it doesn't seem like it would end in any way. Because she'll get all defensive and probably spin more lies to cover all the lies from the past... so yeah, no ending.

You can go on talking smack to all the people who would listen, but stay away from my friends.
THEY ARE TOO GOOD FOR YOU.
Two-faced deceptive liar.

2011-12-16T18:49:00.003+08:00

Recently, I find a lot of issues really frustrating.
I understand that cultural differences are inevitable, but I still think the underlying point that we are all of a single human race the most important thing to remember.

Yes, not every Asian can speak proper English.
But not every Caucasian can speak proper Mandarin.
Likewise, not every German can speak proper Spanish.

Why do we fixate on these minor differences and harp on them endlessly?

So what if someone is ginger?
So what if someone is black?
So what if someone is asian?
It doesn't make them or us any different than you are because we are all trying to live our lives, we are all part of a single human race.

2011-12-11T03:17:00.001+08:00

I can't believe it. I'm going home :)
Loser though hahahah!! GAVE IN!!!

2011-12-05T05:21:00.002+08:00

A lot of times i get scared.
I'm scared of what could happen and i find that, this fear inhibits me and keeps me from living.

When i went to Manchester for Yellowcard's concert, i was really worried because it'll be late, and i'll be alone in a place i'm not familiar with. The thought of it was more scary then reality itself, because that night wasn't that bad. It was pretty alright actually. It isn't that bad once you take the first step.

Remember that.. because if you want to experience the world, you have to have the courage to do it. I don't have it yet, or don't have enough of it... but I'm getting better every time.

We're gonna fight for the love in this world

2011-11-27T05:38:00.002+08:00

Today was a really fruitful day :)
Volunteered at Stray Aid this morning, and was sooooo happpyyyy to know that Otto got adopted! He's this blonde german shepherd and he is amazingly sweet. Sad that i missed seeing him for the last time last week :( And then we cooked for beneficiaries in the evening. I hope that no matter how small these efforts are, i hope they make a difference.. somehow.

Love her cover

2011-11-26T07:01:00.001+08:00

So we talked all night about the rest of our lives..

2011-11-25T23:40:00.002+08:00

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25?
Keep thinking times will never change,
Keep on thinking things will always be the same.
But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon

You mei you gao cuo

2011-11-25T07:57:00.002+08:00

That's what my dad always says.

Woke up to a insulting message this morning, hahaha, i don't know whether to laugh or cry. Stupid friends la all of you hahaha love you guys ttm. love/hate relationship :)

With or Without (Con o Sin)

2011-11-23T22:54:00.005+08:00

With or without fringe?

With eyes or without eyes?

With teeth or without teeth?

Left side or right side?

Weird creepy smile or WTF? smile?

Haha, Bored or Super Bored?

2011-11-22T08:04:00.000+08:00

tengo dos perros. ellas se llaman mao mao y king king. mao tienes seis anos. king tienes ocho anos. ellas son bonitas.

muy gusta perros.

yo vivo en la primera piso.
he trabajada en la casa hoy.
pastel de manzana con helado

The one that got away

2011-11-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

2011-11-20T09:18:00.002+08:00

Durham es un bonito ciudad pequeno en Inglaterra. Durham esta en el noreste de Inglaterra, y esta muy cerca Newcastle. Esta diez kilometros de Newcastle. Hay muchos estudiantes.

Soy estudiante, de singapur, vivo en Durham. Mi familia es en Singapur.

Thrive - What on Earth will it take?

2011-11-19T10:02:00.001+08:00

2011-11-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

Just Got back from the sucky oriental party. Music was shit. Wtf with the techno?

I think my insecurities get amplified when I get tipsy.
I wore fucking high heels tonight, they hurt like a bitch.
I miss being with everyone.
You guys are really awesome and I always feel so proud knowing I have friends like you guys. Buncha annoying dorks who take up my heart.

Jiggy, one day you're gonna find a guy who loves the dork in you :) who looks like Ryan gosling hahahhaahhaah.silly guffaw to myself.

The Spanish guy is a douche.

Dogs

2011-11-14T09:28:00.002+08:00

Having two amazing pets in my life for 6 years now has taught me a lot about pet ownership.

If you decide that you want to own a pet on the basis that you want something cute around you... then maybe it's not the best idea. Of course, them being cute is a plus, but i think you have to go into it knowing that connection between you and your pet is extremely important, not how they look.

We got maomao from a dog farm, and she was in the last of a row of cages. She wasn't excited like the other dogs, she just laid there in the corner, all dirty and quiet. You wouldn't even notice her if the owner of the dog farm didn't mention her existence. We were told that she was born with a hernia, and she's 6 months old. I think my mum felt sorry for her that's why we took her home, and we always tell her that if we didn't "rescue" her, she would probably be dead by now (CHOI!). I mean, who would want a dog with a problem right? This means that in addition to its living expenses, you have to spend on medical expenses as well.

Wha, just reminiscing on how sad she looked makes me want to cry :(

In the very beginning, i didn't really like her. She was kinda annoying lol, but I was an annoying and self-centered teenager (not that i am not now, but just more conscious of it) who didn't bother developing a relationship with my pet. I can't describe how different our relationship is now. When I went back home during the holidays, I made it a point to play with her because I know no one at home bothers to :( AND SHE'S SUCH A PLAYFUL LITTLE GIRL! When i went home for christmas, after we finished our customary cuddling and cooing, the first thing she did was run and get her favourite toy.

Connection is really very important.

Okay, i really wanna continue developing my point (habit from writing essays lol) but I AM SUPER TIRED and i just churned out 1100 words of my 2000 word essay (due on Wednesday) in 5 hours, in addition to completing my 1500 word essay that's due on Tuesday. It's 1:44AM now >.< NIGHT!

Hehe

2011-11-14T05:12:00.000+08:00

Pumpkin Soup

2011-11-13T09:58:00.005+08:00

It's 2am, and I am exhausted. Spent the morning at Stray Aid cleaning up dog poop and i only got home at 3pm. Took a well-deserved shower and then began my attempt at making Pumpkin Soup :D

Laura and I peeled and diced the pumpkin the night before and I have never done anything that tedious in my time in the kitchen. I'm really bad at food preparation, which means my pumpkin cubes were of varying sizes and thickness :P Anyway, here's the recipe i got off BBC Good Food (love this website!)

Ingredients

4 tbsp olive oil
2 onions , finely chopped
1kg pumpkins or squash (try kabocha), peeled, deseeded and chopped into chunks
700ml vegetable stock or chicken stock
142ml pot double cream
4 slices wholemeal seeded bread
handful pumpkin seed from a packet

First you fry the onions with half the amount of olive oil, till it's soft. Then you add the pumpkin and leave it till it's golden and softened.

Then you add the chicken stock, and bring it to a boil and let it simmer for about 10minutes (till the pumpkin is really soft)

Then you add the cream, bring it to boil and use a handblender to blend everything together. We don't have a hand blender in the house so had to resort to using a normal blender. Think it won't have the same effect, because the blender just mashes up the pumpkin and you won't get any lumps to chew on :( It just becomes really smooth soup.

Yum yum :D

Toast some bread and eat up!

2011-11-11T09:53:00.002+08:00

A common myth among scientists is that it is easier to teach a chemist or physicist enough archaeology to understand the issues than it is to teach an archaeologist to understand chemistry or physics. This is simple academic arrogance.

Archaeology, although a subject of endless fascination to the general public, is a widely misunderstood academic discipline, even within academia. It is not about things—these are merely sources of evidence. Nor is it solely about excavation— this is the data-recovery phase of archaeological research. It is, as pointed out by Renfrew and Bahn (1996, p. 17) “concerned with the full range of past human experience,” and this of necessity makes it an infinitely complex and fascinating subject.

- A bicycle for two, A. Mark Pollard and Peter Bray

2011-11-10T11:29:00.001+08:00

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

Hmm? Why you feel so sad?

2011-11-10T09:45:00.002+08:00

Haha, i know someone is reading. Hi kingsly :)

Hmm, it's another one of those nights. Can't put a finger on it, but just one of those nights where I feel a gaping emptiness. I remember this feeling, I used to feel it all the time. I had a pretty lovely night. Went to R's place, she had some of us over for dinner. It was lovely and we painted wine bottles after. Then J and R decided to go for a smoke.. and i thought, ah well, why not? Haven't had one in awhile, and i don't crave cigarettes, but it's one of those nights. It didn't make me feel better though, I didn't feel anything. In the past, I would feel the warmth spread through my body, but tonight, it was just cold. My fingers smell right now, I feel stained. Stained with a sense of aimless guilt.

I went to bed right after, but i couldn't sleep. Got up, and i thought painting was really fun, so I took the paint i bought from last year out, and painted flowers. Cut them out and was going to paste them on the walls, but can't find my blu tac. They are on the floor now, with the paper petals curled, like it's reaching towards the light, and it makes them come to life.

Are humans like that? Do we reach for people that shine? Do we do things that make us shine to make ourselves feel alive? Why do we say 'make ourselves feel alive'.. when in the most literal sense, we are alive.

Listening to ed sheeran with white chocolate cheese cake my singapore society daughters made for my birthday. Really delicious stuff. Creamy.

So why you feeling so down?
Why is the silence so deafening?

Part of me wants to run back to someone, anyone.

2011-11-06T23:45:00.002+08:00

I remember feeling so sorry for the lady selling big issues in durham. I bought a copy from her and she asked me for 10quid to get milk for her child. At that point, all i could think of was she's trying to con me, but i gave her 5 quid anyway, because she needs it more than i do, regardless of anything.

Don't think that you don't have enough, when you already do. Have a little less and give those who really do have nothing a bit of what you have. I need to remember this.

Some people are just...

2011-11-06T08:26:00.002+08:00

I'm not gonna let myself be bothered by annoying people.
Easier said than done, but i am going to tryyyyy.
Like how in little women, when the mother gets angry, she controls it by.. i dont remember how. But somehow, she manages to and i think this is a good habit i NEED TO CULTIVATE.

I can feel that i'm taking it easier on myself this year, and i feel way happier, so i'm not gonna let myself fall back into that sad little trap again. Focus on what's important and leave out all the rest.

2011-11-02T07:35:00.003+08:00

Been eating so much. I'm one of those people who eat to make themselves feel better (yeah, i know you probably know it lol)... I know i love eating but in the past, it wasn't so bad? Like now i definitely know i'm eating for comfort. I honestly feel lonely sometimes. And eating feels up the void (literally, my tummy). Tummy = metaphor for void in my heart? Perhaps? Oh well. Om nom nom.

I'm better off without you, more than you know.

On the way to becoming a part-time vegetarian

2011-10-26T01:33:00.002+08:00

Been trying to cut down on my consumption of meat recently. The only meat i have in the fridge right now are ham and sausages, and I only have them like once/twice a week. I've only managed to have meat when I ate out. I'm gonna try to cut down on meat even more. But still gonna eat seafood! I think it's easier to work your way towards being a vegetarian when you are self-catered and when cooking is way cheaper than eating out.

I've been in a ethical dilemma for quite a few months now. I don't know whether charitable work is worth it or not, I don't know whether campaigning works or not. But now, I just want to do as much as I can, to give back to the community what I have to offer. I find it hard to say all these things, because they can turn out to be empty promises or promises that are really hard to fulfill. Like saying, i want to relieve the strain on the world's ecosystem. Is that really possible? And if so, how much would I have to sacrifice to make it possible?

Wazzupppp

2011-10-24T19:39:00.002+08:00

Omg it's week 3 of the school term already!
Haven't been studying much because of 1) oxjam and 2) i'm lazy.

Oxjam was a great success :) we had 300-400 people coming!! everyone was so stressed that night cause ticket presales were really really bad, and we were all expecting the worse. but woohoo, at 10pm, i think we had over 80 people already and then everything started falling into place :) the bands were amazing, and the cakes were delicious! i'm really proud of oxfam and i know most of us in the exec aren't doing this because we want something pretty on our CV, it's really because everyone cares and we want to make the world a better place to live in for EVERYONE. our profit may have been pretty marginal, but the money will do good and hopefully, it'll help a lot of people.

maybe what we're doing now is small and the impact will be minute, but at least we are trying. it may take many many many years till we see the effect of our efforts, but this is a cumulative project. every one little effort put in will add to what's been done and it'll get better :)

YOU NEED TO BE INFORMED AND YOU NEED TO CARE!

2011-08-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

Watching videos of Nina made me realize how different Singaporean kids are.
She's so innocent and lovable. I really want my kid to be brought up in the same way, where they are considerate and not selfish. Most of the kids I've come into contact with during work are just mini adults. Maybe because of this reason, I'll choose to move when I start my own family.

2011-07-20T19:49:00.002+08:00

It's been a crazy month.
I have such mixed feelings right now. I'm gonna miss everyone here, but i can't wait to go home. Wish i could just skip the 10 days in between leaving here and going home.

When i got to the UK, i really tried my best to make friends with the locals and it somehow didn't turn out too well. I thought it was because of the cultural differences that i couldn't really click with them. I mean, we could get along civilly, but I couldn't be entirely myself or comfortable with them. The only person i could really get along with was Lorna, just one person. How sad is that?

So when i got here, i was expecting it to be the same. The first few days were pretty rough, but now it's like... I feel so attached to these people. Maybe it's because they are Americans and Australians? I'm not entirely sure, but I really wish that i could make friends like that in the UK.

One time, one of them told me "The UK does not know what they have. We love you! Come to American/Australia!" That really made my day :) Coming here has made me remember how to be comfortable in my surroundings, to be comfortable among strangers.

This is one summer i will never forget.

2011-07-18T23:59:00.001+08:00

Lying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad

Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free

And now I'm left
With all this pain
I've only got myself to blame

Why didn't I know it
(How much I loved you baby)
Why couldn't show it
(If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh I had the chance

Pintia Days yada yada yada

2011-07-10T20:24:00.003+08:00

The past few days have been pretty interesting. I haven't drank this much in a week before.. like we would be at the bar sipping tinto de verano every afternoon before and after meals, just chilling and resting our tired limbs. It's been pretty good so far, but there's already tension between people and conflicts are in the midst of arising... wonder what's gonna happen in the next few weeks.

At the start, i felt pretty out of place because most of them are from the states and australia, with one other guy from new zealand (but i count him as an aussie anyway), so their cultures are pretty similar and most of the time they are talking about the similarities between their cultures. i know about american culture, but it's just what i get from being exposed to their media. other than that, nada. So i kept to myself quite a lot, until we went drinking one night and you know how alcohol just relaxes you :D it did good for me that night, but the next night, it got to my head.

we were drinking at a local's bodega the next night, and it was getting kinda late but we still had half a pitcher of this spanish concoction and some gin to finish. i really wanted to get to bed, so i annoyed the new zealander into finishing everything with me by insulting him... which he didn't took too well. then i felt really bad for making him angry, so i kept apologizing and he's like "no, you embarrassed me in front of my friends!" i felt so bad that i just started tearing =.= omg fucking embarrassing please.

i wouldn't cry in front of people i hardly know that easily!!! but the drinks and my fucking hormones were getting to my head and before i knew it, the tears started prickling my eyes and i just bawled. the girls were all really nice about it though (: such nice people!

i really like everyone here. way more than the people i've met in the uk. they are really nice and friendly, and just easy going. i don't understand why i find it hard to talk to the english, even now, even though i've been interacting with them for almost 8-10months. i just met these people, it's not even been two weeks, and i can talk to them and laugh with them. it really feels nice to have such a close fun group to hang out with for a month. reminds me of mauritius :D

okay, time ofr lunch!

Pintia day 6

2011-07-06T22:00:00.002+08:00

Today is our first full day, which means that we start digging at 7:30 instead of 9:30, which was what we did during the weekend. We found two daggers in the morning, which is mega awesome! They were intact but covered with rust. Audrey and I were assigned to the other trench, where we troweled and swept the area to uncover the pottery. There's a big black patch of sand in the middle of the trench, and it's speculated that the people might have had a feast and then burned all the items they used in the area, thus resulting in the black deposit containing an abundance of pottery and bone. We took about two inches off and did a little profiling on the side of the black deposit. Will be continuing work this evening, so hopefully we'll make more progress with our cleanup so we can snap some pictures and they can draw it up.

We have SIESTA TIME every afternoon :D Which is 3 hours of free time... which we spend napping and facebooking. lol typical. Gonna blog again another time, very lazy!

2011-07-05T00:14:00.001+08:00

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I can't give you, what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Ouch

2011-07-02T21:31:00.002+08:00

I did something bloody stupid just now.

We went on a bike ride and I wanted to stop without having to get off entirely, so I did a hop forward. I didnt realize the damn fucking bloody middle bit of the bike is so HIGH up! You can guess what happened next... IT HURT LIKE BLOODY FUCK!!!!! ): Like omfg it took the breath out of me ):

Cannot make babies liao

Pintia Day 1

2011-07-01T21:52:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, just got to the site. It was a 2 hour drive from Madrid Barajas airport, and it's really sunny. Apparently, it doesn't rain here in July... I'm not sure if that's good or bad as of now. But right now, feels good to be in hot weather (: reminds me of Singapore!

Was talking to one of the guys and man.. Asians and Westerners are really different. Coming here and doing this is considered out of the ordinary, even for me. Like I find it hard to grasp what I'm doing right now. For them, it just comes naturally. He has been in Spain for 5 months so far, practicing his Spanish, working at a hotel for 2 months and now, joining this dig. He'll be going to France and Greece after with his family and then going to some place to do ecological work - helping turtles. It's like... I can't even picture myself doing that. Coming here and being away from my family and friends really suck, and I can't picture doing it for such a long time.

Bunks are pretty alright. Feels just like a hostel. Will take pictures soon. I'm just really happy there's wifi (: People are friendly, but I'm shy... will need time to open up. There's a girl from my uni :D :D But she signed up for the other dig.. if not it would have been nice to know someone.

The dig will start tomorrow! hope everything goes well (:

2011-06-23T03:48:00.002+08:00

Day 7
Went to the lab for the environmental archaeology seminar. started the day off with planning, and then we studied plant remains. identified unique characteristics of several cereal plants and examined them under the microscope.. which i need to figure out how to use. observed the process of wet sieving in the lab and then after that we sorted out remains from the flot that was obtained from sieving. that was extremely hard, especially the residue from the small sieve. it was difficult differentiating tiny bones from gravel, and the process was really straining on the eyes. worked on two case studies, the first one identifying areas that would produce the most plant remains as a result of plant disposal. pits and ditches were the most likely areas and we decided on hearths as well, especially ones near production areas. we didn't think it was likely that they would drag their rubbish so far out since it would be a waste of effort and time. was given samples made up of food that represented plant remains that we sorted out to see which of the areas we chosen was the most likely to produce the most plant remains. the second case study involved the separating of flot that i mentioned above.

2011-06-18T02:23:00.002+08:00

这故事　好像真实又象虚幻的情境
只是那　好不容易被说服　的自己
藉口又顶不住懊恼的侵袭

好后悔　好伤心　想重来　行不行
再一次　我就不会走向这样的结局
好后悔　好伤心　谁把我　放回去
我愿意　付出所有来换一个时光机

对不起　独自回荡在空气　没人听
最后又是孤单　到天明

You know how it feels like when you have so much to say, but you can't say anything at all.
You just have to swallow your words and wait for this agony to pass.
Wait for all of this to be okay.
I'm in a play, where I'm the only actor and the only audience.
I'm playing out this show for myself.
This awful, horrible show that I can't stop myself from acting in.

Dig Diary Day 5 and 6

2011-06-15T04:03:00.003+08:00

Day 5

Started working on the internal area of the building (context 5056 and 5057), defining and cleaning the stones within the wall. Had an incredibly hard time because the stones were placed really close to one another, making it hard to clean between them with the trowel I had. Jean lent me her small trowel after lunch and there was a significant improvement in the efficiency and quality of work done in my area. There was a problem with the smaller pebbles though. There were lots of small pebbles between the big stones, and I'm not sure if they had a specific purpose and the supervisors were not sure either. It was impossible to keep them in place as I cleaned around them and in the end they had to be removed. Hopefully this does not affect the information we can obtain from the context. Found an iron nail and a coin in context 5057! They were my first small finds during the dig and after that I was taught how to record small finds in the register.

It started raining pretty heavily towards the end of the dig, and we wrapped up work 30 minutes earlier. Peter took us around the trenches after we kept the tools, informing us of what had been found so far. The giant pit in Trench 1 is amazing and i think the people excavating it did a great job. They found lots of bone in the pit, so it might have been possibly used as a dump. They have located several more pits in Trench 1 and found several areas to be contemporary across the trench, thus allowing more accurate comparisons within finds and contexts. This would mean that they would know when they have finds from the same period and when they have moved on to another. Trench 2 also started showing signs of pits towards the area of dark soil, making it fairly similar to the features found in Trench 1. The rain was really helpful as the site was too dry, making it hard to differentiate soils of different contexts/colors. When we were leaving, we could see how the different types of soil were more clearly differentiated due to the effects of the rain.

Peter gave us a brief summary on what the site may have been like in the past. Roman soldiers that settled at Binchester, near the fort, might have attracted locals to the area, who brought with them goods for selling and trading. It is speculated that Bishop Auckland might have been a central area in the North East in the past, where people came to trade and where farmers brought their livestock to be sold. This explains the mass amount of animal bones found, because livestock were brought to the area and processed there. Roman soldiers must have then settled in the area, building the Roman houses we now see in the site and living there permanently.

Day 6

It was a highly productive day for me and Sean in our little area. I found 5 iron nails, 4 of which were found in pairs fairly closed to one another in context 5056, under the big mound of mud. Might they have been part of an object? The other nail was found in context 5057. Sean found something really interesting - a iron ring stuck to a piece of bone. Coincidence? Or might an iron object have been placed on the animal? We are still trying to show the pit in the building, and the sloping stones have started to show after we took off around 2 inches of soil. We found quite a bit of bone as well, which made it seem even more likely that there was a pit in the building. There was a very nice piece of vertebrate and a molar.. which now, come to think of it, doesn't seem like it came from a cattle. Peter introduced us to the context sheet after lunch, explaining what information is supposed to go into it. Fairly straightforward. This was one of my favourite days on the dig and time went by really quickly. Quite disappointed that I have to miss the next day because of the lab session the BSc students have to attend. Really want to work on the pit in the building.

What are we fighting for?

2011-06-12T06:01:00.003+08:00

At times of solitude, my mind wanders and I find myself immersing in the hopelessness hidden in the corners of my thoughts. Was watching Honey and Clover, and the part where Takemoto left Tokyo, cycling on his bicycle, searching for something but not knowing exactly what he was searching for really got to me.

Even up till now, I don't really know what I'm doing. What am i living for? Why am i doing this? Why am i doing so much yet I still feel empty? I'm trying to understand life, trying to understand the purpose of life, trying to understand why we are who we are, and how we came to be. What's my purpose? If i don't create my own purpose, then what do I have? I hoped that by doing this I'll be able to find some answers. I wish I had the courage to do what Takemoto did, and just hop on a bicycle and ride till I find some enlightenment. But I lack the courage. I wish I had the courage. Coming here, I'm even more aware of how timid I am. How can you understand when you are so afraid of everything?

2011-06-10T03:18:00.001+08:00

我們　曾愛的瘋狂　為追求感覺　就拼命去闖　
我們　曾太過健忘　來不及珍惜　徒增了悲傷　
是誰　習慣了對方　才讓平淡　推翻了過往
從今路不再一樣　未來不再能分享　曾給的承諾　卻還在心上

Dig Diary Day 3 & 4

2011-06-10T02:28:00.002+08:00

Skipped day 2 cause I had to meet my tutor and get my visa checked, hence gonna move on to day 3 and 4.

Day 3
Main aim of the day was to finish excavating the ditch, which was beneath the row of stones next to the wall. Removed the rocks and started moving downwards. I paid more attention to the change in color of the soil, hence moved relatively slowly because I didn't want to dig through a layer that might have been important. One layer had really pretty contrasting colors with the surrounding dark brown soil. It was kinda like golden yellow. Had to dig through it after that because we had to find the bottom of the ditch ): That was quite a hassle since we didn't know where it ended exactly and we were really reluctant to just plow through the layer. Jaime told us to be more adventurous cause we were taking too much time as a result of us trying to be careful. The stones at the bottom of the ditch had a hint of green and yellow on them. Really nice and different. Probably a result of the material used to seal the wall. Didn't had time to finish doing it so had to wait till the next day.

Day 4
Spent the morning and early afternoon finishing the ditch. We were the last ones out of the ditch... quite embarrassed since we must have taken really long. Had a lot of problems trying to "clean" the stones because there was so much fine sand. Took me forever to remove the loose soil and clay, but the result was lovely. Really liked how defined the rocks look at the end. Still lots of clay stuck between the rocks though.. but don't want to chip too much off if not the rocks will come loose. Jaime took pictures of the ditch after we were done and he told us that they usually take 1 colored photo and 3 black and white photos with different contrasts, and usually use film camera.. but this may change in the near future. After that, he showed us how to record details of the photos he just took and then we were given new responsibilities - we had to clear the grasses/weeds/loose soil on the sides of the trench. The grasses were really annoying since you can't tug too hard if not a whole chunk of land will come out with it. Sean found lots of bone while clearing the area - a nice row of teeth with the molars and incisors intact (really like this!), a cattle skull (!!!), and some scapula. Got stung by a stupid nettle &@#^@&^

Dig Diary Day 1

2011-06-07T18:10:00.002+08:00

Okays! I met my tutor just an hour ago to discuss my intention to switch courses, and she said it wouldn't be a problem. She was gonna bring me to meet the Archaeology's department undergraduate head but he wasn't in (heng ahhh ;x cus he damn chatty) so just have to wait and see how things go! Weeee. This means I have a compulsory diary to write, recording down what we did everyday at the site for the next 3 weeks.

BTW, excavation is omfg hard work.
My arms are aching like mad from emptying the soil-filled wheel barrow(which if fucking heavy) and my thighs and back ache from squatting down the whole day ):

Yesterday was day 1! Skipping today cause of the meeting with my tutor and cause i had to get my visa checked... and also because I'm really damn tired from all the traveling. Got back from Sheffield on Sunday and the dig was the very next day ):

Alrighty, so yesterday we arrived at the site at about 9am and this guy (forgot his name) took us around the site, explaining what they have been doing and what they have found over the previous seasons. There are two trenches, and me and my partner worked on a small area in trench 2 (context 50253 (i think that's the context no. ..can't remember)). Jaime showed us how to start using the mattock and we were left to it. But I was really kinda confused at the beginning because I wasn't exactly sure what we were looking for or defining in our area.

The wall foundation of the building in our area ended midway through, with a line of stones in the middle, purpose of which they are still unsure bout. The area around the wall foundation is filled with cobbles so I focused on exposing the remaining cobbles. We were keeping an eye out for coins and iron objects, but didn't find any ): Found some cattle bone and a few tiny pieces of pottery. There was a lovely piece of vertebrate and a molar ^__^ and a piece of metacarpal and some ribs. Almost missed a piece of rib because i thought it was charcoal though.. so recognizing materials is really difficult.

Like pieces of rock can look like pottery or bone, and only when you gently break the mud away do you realize that it's really just a lump of mud. Also, when the color of the soil changes, its kinda misleading, like when I was exposing the lower part of the wall foundation to see how deep it went, the soil turned from dark brown to yellowish brown, kinda like sand. Turns out that that was actually the material used to seal the wall foundation, keeping it intact. Had to dig through it though ):

This is what I'm worried about when digging. You may end up digging through important layers without even knowing it. Like I would be trying to focus on exposing some rocks with the intention of still keeping them in place in the mud, but may accidentally dislodge a whole piece of rock when I sweep off the loose soil around it. The row of stones lying in the middle was a problem because we had to keep them in place but at the same time remove the loose soil around it, and this kinda made them really "unstable" since there was nothing to keep them in place.

I think what they were expecting in our area was for the end of the ditch to appear around an inch or two from where they previously stopped work.. but it ended up being way deeper than that. We didn't have time to go deeper because of time constraints but so far the deeper end of the wall foundation has been fairly exposed but more work needs to be done in removing the mud around it.

That's about it for day 1.

Stupid car alarm

2011-06-04T19:54:00.002+08:00

I'm in Sheffield right now. Charles has gone out to study, and because I'm being a lazy ass, I chose not to go with him. Actually... the real reason why i don't wanna go is because my skin is fucked.

I'm so frustrated. This probably makes it worse, but really, I am so bloody fucking hell frustrated and I really want to rip my skin off. It got slightly better last week, and now is back to being shit. What the fuck seriously. And then the day before, C said something as a joke but it really really really really hurt.

I know I'm extra sensitive these days, but fuck, i didn't need a comment like that, not from anyone. I'm fighting this stupid battle in my head, trying to get my confidence back, but noooo my it's gone with the wind. I just want to stay in all day, everyday, every minute so I don't have to see anyone.

Kill. Me. Now.

The Louvre

2011-05-30T06:30:00.006+08:00

So my exams ended on Friday (:
The last paper was... fucked up. I'll pass (ihope) but i probably won't do that well ): Considering that it was one of the papers i spent the longest preparing for, was pretty disappointed with everything. Pushing forward though!

Been chilling out (: Enjoying my time, watching ANTM, eating junk food lol. Kinda weird to have nothing to do, but it beats studying. Skyped yesterday with Jc and Kingsly. Happpyyyy!

*

The Louvre

Alrighty, just a really short post now. LAZY.

The Opera House! So prettyyyyy.

The awesome pyramid!
Was really excited about visiting the museum. Funny thing was that i always thought it's in Italy.. because of the whole Da Vinci Code thing hahahah! So when i found out it's actually in Paris, i was like HUHHHH... Not being European makes me think that Paris and Italy are one and the same. It's probably like how the angmohs here think that Singapore Chinese are not Chinese (like China Chinese).

The place is HUGE!

Like OMFG HUGE!
We got lost really bad after we were done with their amazingly extensive Egyptian collection. The Mona Lisa was at the other side of the museum, and to get there, we took like... forever. Quite sad that we didn't have enough time to look at all the artifacts ): I don't really understand art...

Okay, i am damn lazy to blog hahahahaha.
I'm quite pissed with stupid blogger right now though, i can't seem to arrange the pictures right. Not used to it since the size of the pics are huge now.. in the past the pictures i used were tiny.

2011-05-27T08:25:00.000+08:00

OMG LOL SHE'S DAMN FUNNY.
Might try it.... ^__^ HUR HUR

Gozilla

2011-05-27T05:51:00.002+08:00

I was watching a damn funny video of me and lixiang the other day.. and OH MA GAD,
MY TEETH IS SO FUCKING UGLY!

I mean, not that now is very good la.. but at least it's somewhat straight.
But wth, how was i even able to withstand the sight of those overlapping and crooked teeth man.
I remember I was really self-concious and always did a close-mouth smirk, until one point i thought like, AH FUCK I AM DAMN CHIO I DUN CARE (haha yeah, ridiculous thoughts i have to up my confidence) and i started smiling with teeth. They don't look that bad in pictures, but in motion... it's like.... please close your mouth, darling.

Nothing like a little bit of alcohol to cheer you up.

2011-05-25T21:35:00.002+08:00

OMFG

2011-05-25T19:37:00.003+08:00

Exam was SHIT.
All the parts i didn't study came out, except for one ):
Out of all the characters - Malinowski, Chagnon, Mead, Castaneda - i only didn't study Castaneda... 75% chance of getting a question in my favour and it backfired. WTF!!! I flipped the paper and glanced through the questions and I'm like, super duper GG. I studied about the purpose of rituals, and didn't study for the rituals of personhood and guess what, the latter came out. I'm honestly GG for the last question. I just read through the powerpoint slides, and I didn't even come close =.= probably only like 10%. AHHHH.

Okay, now I'm done with Anthropology. Today was supposed to be considered one of the easier papers, i didn't put much effort into preparing for it so kinda my fault. Archaeology is a killer right now. I have so much to study, even after 1 month of revising it's not enough =.= omgggg

*

Oh yeah, did i mentioned i was up till 4am even though i got to bed at 12:30? I was fucking myself senseless with my thoughts. Eh you don't gross okay, WITH MY THOUGHTS! Don't read selectively ah. lol. Argh. I hate how i get all consumed and immersed with my thoughts and let them affect me, i hate how my head messes with my heart. So frustrated.

I'm eating Uncle Ben's Mexican microwave rice now.
So enjoy and luxurious right ^_^

Margaret Mead

2011-05-24T22:06:00.005+08:00

Hey guys,
Since i HAVE TO STUDY, i might as well make good use of my time to blog and learn at the same time. One of the topics of my Anthropology module is about controversies involving well-known anthropologists, one of which is Margaret Mead. She conducted fieldwork in the Samoa, a teeny island in the South Pacific Ocean, which is like in the middle of nowhere la basically. It's a little way off New Zealand and Australia.

Anyway, I'm writing this at my own pleasure, so it's kinda informal.. so if any professionals come here, please just ignore my substandard language.

Alrighty, I'll just cut to the point.
Basically, the controversy involving her was because of her work in the Samoa islands. She went there when she was younger, to observe them.. but she kind of had an agenda even before she arrived. Her professor had wanted to show that NURTURE is a important factor in human evolution. Which means that, we are actually all the same, in our nature we are similar. The differences among all of us is a result of nurture.

At that time, the Europeans, who were damn up there about how awesome they are, felt that they are superior to the other races/ethnic groups. They felt that the primitive people in the jungles, who didn't seem to be as developed or as sophisticated as them, were "savages". And that they were born awesome (omg hahah damn informal, please just ignore me). So Mead went off with the agenda, nurture plays a role in shaping who you are, and hence, what a culture is like.

She arrived in Samoa and chose not to live with the locals. Instead, she went to the village and hung out with the teen girls everyday, talking to them and asking them questions. After she left, she published her results and it ROCKED THE WORLD. What she mainly observed was that:
1) The Samoa adolescents were sexually liberated.
- They were open about sex, about birth, about what their body does. It was alright for them to show that they are horny (pardon me). It was not against the norms for them to express it

2) As compared to Caucasian youths, the youths in Samoa seemed to be carefree and stress-free.

She wrote a book, Coming of Age in Samoa, and it was a hit.

Especially with the Hippie subculture of the 1960s. They loved the book, and it was kind of like their bible? She became a role model for them, and it was really funny, because she got so into it, she started dressing like a wizard. She had a staff and she wore a cloak! HOW COOL IS THAT?! That's why the angmoh of the 60s were so chill, because they wanted to be like the Samoans.

When someone is so famous, obviously she would have made some enemies along the way. Along came Derek Freeman, who did his own research in Samoa (ironically, because he was inspired by Mead's research when he was studying)... and *CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC*!!!

HE FOUND OUT THAT MEAD HAD LIEDDDDD!!!

Okay la, not lie la. But her information was inaccurate. And from what i gather, he's quite a angsty man. He devoted the rest of his life to denouncing Mead.. but by that time, only after ONE confrontation, Mead had passed away. So when Freeman was arguing against Mead, it was with her supporters, not her.

What he found out was that...
1) Mead's informants had lied to her (OMG SHOCKER!!)
2) She cherry picked information to suit her agenda

Apparently, Mead's informants were joking with her about them being sexually free.. but either she was too damn serious at that time that she didn't catch the joke, or she has a really poor sense of humor. So the main point in her research was shown to be a lie ): No free love, no have sex with everyone ):

BUT!
1) A lot of time had passed between Mead and Freeman carrying out their own separate research, so lots of things could have changed during that time. Firstly, people are arguing that the informants were more religious when Freeman interviewed them, and they didn't want to acknowledge that there were promiscuous in the past, because it's against their religious beliefs.

2) Apparently, Samoans love to lie. So they might have lied to Freeman as well. Who knows right? I mean, why should i take what Freeman said at face value. The old lady could have thought, oh well i'll just lie to him.. make this more interesting.

So who is speaking the truth?
I don't think we'll ever know. It's really a matter of opinion.

Anyway, that's the gist of it :D
I got all my information from books, my lectures, the documentary Tales from the Jungle (go youtube it, it's really good), and some general stuff from Wikipedia. Got all the pictures from Google, just hover over them and you'll be linked. I think the cartoon one is damn funny.

Go Google this, it's honestly mad interesting ^__^

After my exams, I'm going to Tesco to buy a bottle of wine and I'm going to have it with chips and prawns while watching Glee.

2011-05-24T05:42:00.000+08:00

Then I'm going to tell you guys about how humans populated the whole world ^__^ sounds fun? Hell yeah

Don't look back in anger, I heard you say

2011-05-23T23:21:00.003+08:00

What would you change if you had a chance to do everything all over again?

I managed to just pull myself out of the rut i was stuck in, and now I've fallen back in. It took so long to just progress that much, and I pushed myself back to square one. I guess you do reap what you sow.

2011-05-21T09:06:00.003+08:00

I won't ever regret getting it inked.

it was never one of my first choices during the year that i spent really considering whether i should get a tattoo or not. my choices included 1) a weeping cherub holding a withering rose and 2) a claddagh ring. It just hovered between these two.

But then lots of things happened and things started changing.. i got really scared but i felt exhilarated. And at that time, i got to spend a lot of time plugged into my iPod as i traveled around for tuition, and one song that i never got sick of was Simple Plan's When I'm Gone.

I just kept replaying it over and over again, and those three simple words stood out every single time. And that's when i decided that i want those three words to be a part of me.

It's a reminder to myself, and at the same time, i want people, strangers, friends, anyone who happen to see it to go, "oh, yeah..." *nods* and maybe do something a little different that makes them happy. I always lose track of time, of goals, of lots of things, and get bloody emo over loads of shit.. and looking at it when i'm feeling like crap cheers me up.

It's a part of me, and it will always be.

2011-05-20T10:31:00.002+08:00

Even up till now, I'm still feeling guilty.
I still can't get over how insensitive I was.
I can't get over what I did.
I'm still punishing myself and torturing myself in my mind.
Even after you said it's fine, it's alright.
I still go to bed hating myself.
I still sit in front of my laptop and cry and cry and cry.

I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No matter how many times i say it, it's not enough. It's not enough at all.
I'm really sorry for everything.

I get by with a little help from my friends

2011-05-20T06:47:00.003+08:00

Had a hilarious chat on WhatsApp and MSN just now with the crazy people from jc. Got to love technology.

Really made me miss the good ol days.

I had a chat with some people, and they said that they regret not cherishing friendships in the past and not finding more time for friends. And it's really hard to hear something like that from people you love because you just want them to know that even though we don't meet up as much as before, the bond with have is still the same. I look at all the mad awesome times we had and i really think that everyone will be sticking around for a long long long time.

Times like this really make me ask myself why i chose to come here
My ultimate motivation for coming here is to pursue my dream.
And now being here, I realize that there are more important things in life than dreams, and they are my friends and family. There's so many times where i find myself wishing i could be home playing with my dogs, watching tv with my mum, chilling at starbucks with my friends etc. I probably had this conversation with myself too many times now.. but jingyi, don't lose sight of what you are here for. Don't let people down just because you want to feel at ease. The more experiences you have, the wider your comfort zone will be, and in the long term, you are going to benefit from this.

Okay, so you got a peek at me struggling with myself.
I'm so weak, right? Can't stand myself sometimes.

2011-05-19T06:45:00.000+08:00

Hola Muchacho!

Need to learn some basic Spanish soon!

Here's Paris, part 2 ^_^

*

I find it funny how i'm always tired when i travel, which causes me to wake up with like sleepy eyes -_- like that. Like i would get sufficient sleep but still wake up feeling like i haven't slept at all. Big disadvantage ):

So 2nd day! We had to go get our Paris Pass from this tour agency, which was so damn inconspicuous. The only tell tale sign that it was what we were looking for was a little sticker label on the door. Hello, change your bloody shop sign la!

The Paris Pass is pretty worth it, if you've planned your trip before going ^_^ so we got more than what we paid for, which is awesome! There's a 2 day bus tour pass, a tour on those boats and free entries to almost all the museums. But because Charles and i are students in the EU, we actually already had free entry to most of the museums, so had to carefully pick and choose the places we wanted to go. Only sad thing is that the pass doesn't include entry to the Eiffel Tower ):

We found our way to the Opera House, which is gorgeoussss! And then hopped on the tour bus from there. Our destination was actually the Grevin Wax Museum, which is just a street away from the Opera House but we didn't check the map, hence wasted a lot of time ):

Eiffel Tower!
Omg, it's so breathtaking!! And humongous!

So pretty right!!! So in love with Paris <3 <3 So as i said, we got pretty damn lost, but eventually we found our way to Grevin Museum :D But before that we had lunch at MACDONALDS!! So uhh, most of my friends who have traveled with me know i have this weird thing about having to try the mac in every country i travel to. And now i think about it... i'm so weird =.= i always find some people damn bloody eccentric, but now i think im damn bloody weird (in some ways) hahahaha. But anyway, it's fun!
So far, SINGAPORE'S MAC IS STILL THE BEST <3 (so patriotic hor)
I can't remember what i got exactly, but it had bacon and was kinda like Burger King's double bacon cheese burger! The burger was not bad, tad greasy (as you can see below) but it's way bigger than what we have here in the UK and what i had in greece. They used this tangy mustard sauce.. not a fan. Fries was average.. omg =.= im actually giving a damn review on macdonalds. I'm a freaking weirdo!!! FML.

GREVIN WAX MUSEUM!!

I had a mad awesome time at Madame Tussauds (if that's how you spell it) in HK so i was really looking forward to visiting Grevin.
The whole place is mad deceiving. It looks really small from the outside, but the way they maximize the use of space inside is crazy! I just kept thinking 'where the hell is all this space coming from?!' when i was inside

They had this introductory illusionist display before you actually got to go into the museum, and omfggggg IT WAS CRAZY!!!! Like they used mirrors and lights and loads of mind blowing (okay, not exactly, just well presented) effects. I managed to find a video of it on YouTube (GOTTA LOVE SOCIAL MEDIA!)

It was soooo amazing! Totally loved it and it was really scary how every time the lights dimmed and brightened you would see different wax figures at every corner with this damn scary chucky-like expressions.

I loveee wax museums! but i think what makes them fun is when you go around looking silly and taking stupid photos. IDK whether it's a culture thing, but the angmohs right... THEY JUST WALKED AROUND AIMLESSLY!! they looked at the figures, snapped a couple of pictures of the figures and walked off to the next one. what's the point of taking pictures of them if you aren't in it?!?!? so boring one! made me damn self-conscious cause you couldn't look stupid without loads of people staring at you.

which brings me to my next point. as i mentioned, the place is HUGE! but narrow! and the fact that they didn't bother to do any crowd control caused the whole museum to be jam-packed and we got stuck in human traffic jams quite a couple of times ):

He can never take a proper photo =.= Oi, you go join ANTM and learn some skills la
MY HUSBAND ^__^

Looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger (tmd his name damn hard to spell) hor?
But he's not! Oh yeah, have you guys read about him cheating on his wife? ): So sad lor. Both the women damn poor thing and as usual, the media is painting the third party like a total bitch! So ke lian ):

MIKAA!
Sucking to hard on my lollipop popppp

Damn fun, they had props lying around.
BUT THE ANGMOH NO USE THEM!
Y U NO USE?
Y U NO HAVE FUN?

This part was super cool!
It was basically a theater O.O YA IN THAT DAMN SMALL LOOKING MUSEUM!!
So deceiving right.

WHY SO SERIOUZ?

Look like?

Both got high forehead... or for Jackie Chan - receding hairline

OBAMA!!! <3 <3
Read the Osama was plotting to kill him. I could comprehend why he hated George Bush so much.. but Obama?! He's soo nice and sweeet ): omg okay that was a superbly bimbo comment =.=

SHE LOOKS SO REAL!!
TOMB RAIDER!
NO NO TOMB RAIDERS ARE BAD!!!!!!
Their actions have cost society valuable knowledge about the past ):

So freaky. Medieval ages!
Loss of innocent lives due to paganism ):

They make Quasimodo so ugly la!!!

*Smirk*
Ironically, i've never watched any of the Indiana Jones movies.

NOMZ!

*

Okay, that's GREVIN WAX MUSEUM! <3 loved it!
Totally worth the money and i'll bring my mumma there the next time we go (:

Whalau, I really queen of procrastination.
Instead of studying, I'm blogging =.=

2011-05-18T22:12:00.003+08:00

Looking at the amount of changes made to Singapore's cabinet is unsettling. Foreigners would probably think that it's minute, since there's nothing too radical, but it's probably way too much change all at once for Singapore. I wonder what the future holds for the new cabinet without the guidance of MM Lee and SM Goh.. Anyway, quite sad that they are stepping down, but they deserve a good break from all these politics after all they've done for Singapore. Ignoring all the controversial stuff during the GE, there's no doubt that they are the ones who've made SG what she is today, and i think we really have to keep this in mind.

When is it enough?

2011-05-16T09:40:00.002+08:00

It's almost 3am, and I'm still awake.
My body clock is superbly screwed up =.=

There's so much to know, and I don't know when is it enough. I'm pretty sure that I know enough to pass my exams by now, but I don't want to just pass it. I wanna get a damn first for at least my archaeology modules.

I'm more or less prepared for Discovering World Prehistory (DWP) on friday, I just need to prepare the chapter on domestication. Int to Arch is a fucking killer and the second half of the module SUCK. SUCK BALLS BIG TIME. Hate theory, hate theorists, hate stupid open-ended questions like "why should the public know this?" =.= I think theorists have nothing better to do, seriously. Sometimes i read about what they come up with and i'm like W. T. F? how did you even manage to come up with such stuff anyway!!! difference between smart asses and average minds.

applied archaeological methods is straightforward, but there's SO MUCH TO KNOW x.x i can pick and choose and focus on certain topics for other modules, but for this it's just like, KNOW EVERYTHING. tmd wanna kill me issit.

and guess what?
THE KILLERS ARE COMING TO UK ON 24th JUNE ):
and i'm leaving on that day.
FML FML FML FML FML

i missed yellowcard because i was stupid, stupid stupid stupid
and now im gna miss the killers as well.
hello, the universe, stop messing with me leh!!!!
my two all time favourite bands you know!!!!

okay, need to zzzz

I'm not perfect, but i keep trying

2011-05-15T07:49:00.005+08:00

It's 1am, i've just finished studying about the late Hallstatt society of the Iron Age. Loved it.. in comparison with bloody a.n.t.h.r.o.p.o.l.o.g.y. Omg, i am so not cut out to be a social anthropologist ): all these social observations are interesting, BUT SO CONFUSING (to me) and i find more joy in studying biological anth. I like it straight forward and clear cut. Okay, bio anth and arch are not straight forward la, nothing is but it's way easier to comprehend for me.

Damn depressed about my skin for the past few months.
Why ah?!?!?! I thought by coming to fucking Europe my skin condition would improve, but no IT'S WAY WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN SINGAPORE ): I don't know why!!!! Really upset about it. I went through hell in jc because of my skin and i really don't wanna go through the same thing again. You can't see it in the pictures above cause of the lighting (I purposely one la haha) so it might not seem that bad, but it's damn obvious in all my Eurotrip pictures ): I DAMN SIAN OKAY, CANNOT CAMWHORE CAUSE LOOK SO SHITTY.

And to you assholes who like to make insulting remarks at people with bad skin, just so you know, it's really hurtful and every remark you make is like a punch in the person's face and self-confidence. I used to make such comments as well but i've never ever done it again since i've developed some common sense and sensitivity.

You think we don't know how bad our skin is that we need you to mention it to us? Hello, we look at the mirror everyday wondering what the hell we've done wrong in our daily regime and whether our shit skin is attributed to our genes, so please, don't say those things to us because we've heard the same thing over and over again. In our heads.

So i'm trying to slowly work my way back to having at least NORMAL skin ): Such a long procedure you know. Why can't i just snap my fingers and have perfect skin huh =.= lol.

Okay, so i finally got that off my chest (which has increased in size, (i think la) just to make myself feel better).
^__^ Okay, back to studying!

2011-05-14T05:23:00.003+08:00

Hey guys!
Been studying for my exams ): i know i'm working, but can't understand why i'm not as productive as compared to when i'm studying in Sg. probably the stress that gets me going! anyway, i'm sick of writing flash cards for one of my hardest modules so just thought i'll do a PROPER blog post with pictures and all.

i'm gonna do a series of blog entries about my eurotrip during easter :D and shall start with PARIS!

I love Paris!
It's AMAZING and just like what i imagined it to be, which was quite a surprise since Italy totally didn't match what i envisaged. It's my favourite place in the whole wide world (as of now) and i can't wait to go back (: gonna bring my mum there next year when she comes!

Here's our hotel room.
I wouldn't say it's cosy, but it's enough since i don't really have high standards for hotels, so long as i have somewhere safe to sleep. Floor was really creaky though, and walls are paper thin. We could hear someone's phone vibrating in the next room la, how's that for privacy hahaha. In case you are wondering, the toilet was a communal one and located along the corridor. Damn sian when i wanna do my business ):

We arrived in Paris around 9++PM because I am a stingy bitch who wants to save money by taking the inconvenient flights ^_^ but we managed to find out way to our hotel just fine because they have a fairly straightforward metro system (which you can cheat). Hotel is located at Simplon, the second last station on one of the train lines, so we always ended up with a lot of dodgy looking people on the train. Good thing our hotel was just 1 min walk from the metro! And we had free wifi :D :D i spent my first night playing sims medieval and facebooking (:

We also realized that it was located in a local market district when we went out the next day. There was a pasa malam right along the road!! and it reminded me of Sg (: we found this lovely little bakery belonging to this middle eastern lady, who was soooo nice and cute! she kept smiling and flirting (ya really!) with me la!! she totally ignored Charles the first time we went there ^_^ hur hur hur

*

Day 1

All in all, it was a HORRIBLE day.
Here's why:
1. my mum called to tell me King might die (sometimes her melodramatic-ness really doesn't help) because of a uterus infection. i cried throughout the 45mins train ride to Disneyland, the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH (so ironic right lol) and after that was bawling outside it. I went in with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks ^_^ happiest person on earth

2. the weather was FUCKING AWFUL!
like really fucking fucking fucking *inserts negative adjective*. firstly, paris was way colder than what we expected. Charles and i didn't bring our coats, cause we thought it would be way warmer than the UK, judging by yahoo!'s weather forecast. but noooo, it was freezing, drizzling and windy. you add that to my misery and what do you get?

i also don't know la, but haha i was so upset ): didn't take much pictures because i didn't want to take my hands out of my pockets. we even contemplated buying one of their ridiculously expensive hoodies, and Charles the asshole kept psychoing me to buy it! HENG I NEVER BUY OKAY! if not worse 60$ spent la.

So pretty!

We went to Disney World (the more exciting theme park with the crazy rides!) first because i wanted to go on the roller coasters!
I am madly in love with roller coasters!!! Love the rush of adrenaline through my veins and the moment when you hit zero gravity (if that's even possible). It was too cold so we didn't go on many outdoor rides ): and because Charles is a girl, and wanted to go to Disneyland more hahahah ;x

Watched the parade at Disney World!
Really love the different cars (: So pretty!

Mulan so chio!
But she doesn't look like Mulan right? Where's the slitty eyes?! (asian stereotyping asian wtf)
You see the villian!
HE'S DAMN FUNNY and really good at what he does.
He kept sneering and cocking his eyebrows at everyone with the super haolian face lol. Totally loved him.

We stayed till it closed, but the thing is, during spring/summer it doesn't get dark till like 9-10pm ): so there was no fireworks ): we only got to see this dame lameass play the disney characters put up, should i mention once again, in the freezing cold!

after that we went for a buffet because everything else was damn expensive, and we figured we might as well eat our fill since we're gonna pay. the buffet was okay la, quite a good meal ^_^ see i too busy eating never take pictures hahaha ;x

I heard from many people that Paris disneyland is the worst and i didn't had my hopes too high up when we went. I've only been to two disneylands (i know i have it good already) and my first experience was short and not very good ): so i found Paris Disneyland pretty good. I really love theme parks so I don't have much to complain (: Can't wait to go to USS again!!!!

So that's our first day in Paris! :D

Haven't blogged properly in AGES so i've kinda lost touch with all these posting pictures and stuff. But wha, feels quite nice to blog (: Might start doing it properly again... shall see how things go!

Anyway, i'm gonna go back to studying (wtf is an isochron?!) and will blog about the subsequent days another time!

MUACKS!! MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH!

2011-05-04T18:49:00.001+08:00

It's going to be really really hard, but I'm going to try my utmost best.
I am going to cut you out for good.

2011-05-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

Omg.. I'm so unproductive!!! ):

Anyway, what's with the bots and tagboards huh. Very annoying leh. They try to pretend that they are HUMANS but c'mon =.="

Okay, so recently I found out some stuff that's too omfg for words. Like seriously.

Do you have friends who like to lie? I mean, tiny lies that aren't hurtful is alright. Lies like, he/she woke up late but said he/she's sick and all that. Those are, IMO perfectly okay. But when it comes to friends who conjure up misleading lies that carry a lot of weight.. i don't think that's cool. Majorly uncool. I'm going to steer clear of such people from now on, regardless of how strong the friendship is/was.. I'm not going to base my relationships on lies that puts a person in a better light while making other people look like total assholes.

2011-04-28T01:49:00.002+08:00

Stay calm stay calm stay calm.
Fucking hate animal abusers.

2011-04-26T03:32:00.001+08:00

"More than a moment in time, it's a life of leaving home"

2011-04-26T02:35:00.003+08:00

I don't know what I want to be. I don't know if I want to be all open and just friendly and stuff, but it's just not me. I feel weird and awkward forcing myself to be friendly. I like being in my comfort zone, and I know that being here, I should be forcing myself out of it and just taking the opportunity to expose myself to this whole new environment.

And like people keep telling me to mingle with the locals and stuff like that, and i've tried. I really really really tried but it makes me so bloody uncomfortable. I keep second guessing myself, and feeling all conscious. I don't even know why.

I know i need to be here to find out what i want in life, and it's a trade off.. being here away from everyone I love in exchange for some direction. So many times i find myself thinking if it's worth it. So many times.

2011-04-15T07:39:00.003+08:00

This holiday has been extremely blissful and i'm really extremely thankful for everything.

Paris is beautiful and I've never been to anyone lovelier or more charming. Only sad thing is that food is priced at an exorbitant rate and i really DO NOT like spending 80SGD (we stupidly did it today, more on that later) on two plates of pasta, tea and a cappuccino. So i proposed that we should just stick to international brands that are affordable (mac, subway) since we can have all the pasta we want at a cheaper price in UK and sg.

Okay, so here's what happened.

The menu wrote that it costs 5 euros for pasta, but because it's written in french, we didn't know it's only for takeaways, and the waitress didn't make this clear to us either. so we just thought that wow, 5 euros for pasta!! DAMN CHEAP! and we sat down and ordered a plate for each of us... and when the bill came we were like wtf?! the lady next to us settled her bill first and she was equally surprised as well and she asked the waiter, WTF IS THIS 12 EUROS FOR?!?!?! (not in this way la, but that's the gist of it). So we found out that we're paying 24 fucking SGD each for a stupid plate of pasta. damn wtf plsssss.

but apart from the expensive food, everything has been great. i'm really in love with paris right now....

anyway, something scary/exhilarating happened just now as we were heading back. we were on our way out of the metro, when this dude walked ahead of me to go behind the lady infront of me. i saw him unzip her backpack but i thought that, okay maybe they know each other? so i didn't do anything. i turned behind and saw his two friends (a guy and a girl) walking behind charles, and i was trying to see if they were trying to do anything funny. they were standing at a reasonable distance so i turned to the front and continued walking. we were heading up the stairs by now and the guy took some stuff and ran back to his friends and then went back behind her again.

he then tried to zip the front pocket but stopped halfway and went for her handbag. at that point of time i was like... wtf should i do?! he's doing it right infront of me knowingly. so he already thinks that we will just pretend not to see anything. and i really didn't want to get into trouble. they were two dudes and a girl, and i know charles will protect me but i wasn't exactly sure if they would try and fight. but at that time this thought didn't really occur to me.

i only had two thoughts in my mind "STOP HIM!!" and "DON'T INTERFERE!!"

i was already trembling.. from fear i think but i just reached out and grabbed his bag strap and pulled him back. he turned to me with this wtf expression on his face. i looked at him and pointed to her bag and said "don't do that" and he just said some stuff in french but i think i heard something like "stupid... *french french french*... stupid" then we reached the top of the stairs and i he waited for his friends as we passed him and i'm like "don't do that" again and he got his jacket from his friends and i walked ahead to tell the lady, turning at the same time to check if he was actually gonna do anything.

i tapped the lady and i think she seemed damn shocked and i think she thought I WAS TRYING TO ROB HER!!! wtf lol. so i'm like "that guy was trying to pickpocket you!! he unzipped your bag" and i told her to check if she lost anything. the assholes were crossing the street now and i could see the fucker turning to look at us as he quickly walked away, with his jacket covering his face. but anyway, sad thing was the lady like didn't really care ): and im not sure if she said thankyou but charles said she didn't. whalau. i could have gotten hurt for her leh ): she was just like "oh it's okay, i dont have anything impt in this pocket" =.="

was trembling after that and then i just thought through my actions... i really shouldn't have tried my luck man. he could have hit me, and we were overpowered. thank goodness he didn't and just walked away man. the area was pretty quiet so if he tried anything it would have taken really long before we could get help. now i'm damn scared he remembers me/charles and will wait in the area to attack us tmr ): HOW?!?!?!? omg damn paranoid.

so i did a good deed but it was really a rash act man. pls pls pls don't let him come back for me ): (lol machiam thriller)

2011-04-14T07:06:00.002+08:00

King had a successful operation to remove her uterus about 2 days ago. She's currently recovering but hasn't had any food yet ): Doc says she needs to stay at the clinic till she has something to eat. Haiz. Fucking worried and wish i could be home with her right now. She's such an amazing little lady ):

And it's like we could have prevented this from happening. She lost most of her front teeth, i'm not sure about the back, not due to old age but decay. We could have brought her to the vet once we realized she was losing her teeth, but we just assumed she was old. A part of me is so angry with myself and my family but i know all we can do now is hope for the best for her.

Before i left i hugged her and cried because i didn't want to leave her. She actually whined and looked at me with those big puppy eyes ): maybe she could sense that i was leaving. It's way harder for me to leave her and maos than anyone else. When my mum called and said she had to undergo the operation and might not survive, i was so shock i couldn't speak. I only started crying after 5 minutes and cried all the way to disneyland. I hate being here right now because i really want to be home.

King king, you're the sweetest dog in the whole world and i love you so much. You've always been really calm and composed of the two and you've never ever complained (like maos did lol). I don't know how you lived before joining our family, but i hope that you have been happier since being with us. From the hoppy hyper happy dog to what you are now.. i wish a lot of things had been done differently, but i hope that you know we all love you so much, even your annoying little sister mao mao. You will always be the king of my heart.

2011-03-28T03:28:00.002+08:00

Heyya, i'm using the computer at our hotel in Rome.. which is pretty much bad, other than how classy it looks. It's a 4 star hotel, but the wifi is really horrible and i think the more stars a hotel has, they more they are likely to overcharge you (duh). Like, you have to pay for stuff in the fridge and breakfast costs two times more than what we paid for in the other cities. 8 freaking euros per person per day wtf! and there's the stupid tax thing, which none of the other hotels asked from us.

Our hotel (or b&b) in florence and pisa were pretty great. wifi was really really good that i could watch kang xi lai le on my phone everynight, check my email, facebook, tweet, stalk people :x and all that. And i prefer those hotels as well, cause they were really cosy and the people running them were so friendly and helpful. the staff at this hotel have been fine so far. the indian guy who welcomed us was really nice and chatty, but the lady at the desk now is kinda grumpy.

rome is kinda disappointing. TOO MANY PEOPLE! and many areas seem really dodgy. it's really different from how the media/tourism industry portrays it. i'm looking forward to visiting all the sites tomorrow, but i dread the crowd. people in rome are pretty unfriendly as well ): we were at this cafe and the chef practically "forced" us to sit down and eat there. wtf please. almost got pick-pocketed on the subway as well by these 3 bitches. i understand they have to make a living, but not in this unlawful and deceitful way what. heng i moved away if not bye bye to my money.

i think i havent been able to fully enjoy myself because i'm always on alert. i keep trying to keep a look out for my belongings, making sure no one suspicious is hanging around us. it's damn tiring.. nerve-wrecking to always be on such high alert. it wasn't this bad in florence, venice or pisa. plus, because it's just me and my mum, i have to be even more cautious. if charles was here, or my bro and dad, i'd probably be prancing around already lol. but can't do that now man. two girls, need to be extra careful if not pricks will think we are pushovers.

planning is mad exhausting man. i like traveling, but organizing the whole journey sucks the fun out of it. i'm thankful i get to do this... but wha, better to leave the planning to someone else lol. i spent like nights finding the best and most affordable accomodation online, working my way around the italian train site to book our train tickets, checking the budget airlines' websites for good deals every now and then..

surprisingly, traveling in italy is really easy. so far, the only major glitches we had was when:
1) we woke up late today (cus i didnt set my alarm) and had to take a cab down to the train station
2) when we couldn't find the right bus to the airport in nottingham. this was damn retarded, because imagine, we messed up in UK where we spoke the language but in italy, we havent had any major problems getting from place to place. shows how accessible the country is. had some problems finding our hotels as well, and my mum got kinda pissed w me cause i HATE talking to strangers and always only ask them for directions as a last resort. i mean, i'm okay if they are the ones who initate the convo but i'm not comfortable if i have to do it. no idea why, but even in sg i'm like that. when i'm OGL i must FORCE myself to talk to people =.= sad life.

really appreciate singapore so much more now ): in my heart, i feel that i would want to go back to sg to work but still unsure since i'd probably have better prospects in other countries. long way to go, so many decisions to make ):

2011-03-25T03:10:00.002+08:00

As much as I want you in my life again, there will always be a certain degree of distrust we can't ignore. It's not like that between any of us - and that's how things should be, right?

2011-03-09T05:32:00.003+08:00

Haiz, i don't like reading the news cause it's really depressing. It's supposed to increase your general knowledge, but honestly, it just makes you really upset.

2011-03-04T08:47:00.002+08:00

So i picked up the ukulele, and I'm loving it.
New place, new skills, new experiences.

Next thing I'm going to try - COOKING.
I suck at cooking, like seriously. I know, Ratatouille says "ANYONE CAN COOK!"
And I am going to try to prove this saying right.

New challenge: cook something (instant noodles/pasta are not counted) every weekend!
This week i shall try making wontons! :D
Craving for them sooo badllyyyyyy ):

2011-03-03T07:50:00.002+08:00

Been reading through my blog's archives and those of my friends'.. wow, i really miss the old days man. Everything is so different and complex now. Is it better? I don't know. But if given a chance, I'd probably do alot of things differently.. would adopt a better attitude for a change, drop the arrogance.

I remember we used to have tuition during the weekdays, and we would meet up with everyone at S11 after class just to have supper and drink our ice milo and teh ping while slurping our suzhou/fuzhou (idk which) fishball noodles. Good times.

Now that I'm here, I would say that change is needed for growth but it isn't necessarily better. I'm not entirely happy with where I am right now, probably cause I'm still kinda homesick, but the experience has given me a whole new perspective on things. Every step you take is an experience that will teach you something about life, and no matter how much you want to step back into the past, you have to embrace and learn from these new experiences and not see them as robbing you of your time.

2011-02-23T23:59:00.001+08:00

Woohoo!! facebook can embed videos on external sites :D

Been fooling around trying my hand at different songs, but need loads of practice. Now i understand why people say that the guitar is one of the easiest instruments to learn. Once you get the hang of it, you can play almost anything with loads of practice. I'm still on simple chords though. Chords like E just make me wanna kill myself.. or my left hand lol. Like my whole body, my fingers are equally inflexible.

Voice is really blah these few days, and i hate how my voice is a lot higher in videos ): Boohoo.

2011-02-18T07:57:00.002+08:00

8 years later, I'm still crying over the same shit.

I'm so tired but i can never say i wanna quit because no matter what happens, we have to walk beside her and hold her hand when she rips her heart out. We have to hold her when she cries, help her up when she falls. I gave up trying to relate to him.. i don't feel like he's trying at all. I've tried so fucking hard, SO FUCKING HARD. I tried to do everything i could and i don't want to try anymore.

Oh god, i really want to be home right now, i really want to talk to my friends right now. Save me. I'm driving myself crazy over here.

2011-02-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

Having the weirdest meal ever.

Philadephia cream cheese on toast, twister fries and baked beans.
I'm not good at looking after my tummy ):

2011-02-17T02:42:00.003+08:00

Even though I'm so faraway, I still feel all the pain when I know they are arguing.

The very first time I prayed to ever single God in my heart was because you went missing, I prayed so hard and when I saw you come home I really thought that this higher power has reached out to save us.

But every single year, we go through the same thing again and again.

I'm unsure about so many things because of the two of you.

How can you cherish your own life when the two people who you love the most don't cherish their own?

2011-02-10T04:09:00.002+08:00

You know that really warm feeling you get when you just sit around and talk, about anything and everything, with the people who know about you, about your past, about everything, and they don't care at all. You do the dumbest things together and laugh the hardest. I miss feeling like that.

I miss my friends back home.

Race, Ethnicity and Culture

2011-02-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

Today I had a tutorial on the above topics, and it really irks me when i think about how colonialism took away the ruling power of so many independent countries/communities. My tutor was saying that the word 'Ethnicity' was created when the French and Germans realized that communities they were trying to govern in Africa had a system of beliefs and culture as much as they do, and at that time, when the word 'Ethnicity' hasn't been created yet, the only possible word to call them was a 'nation'.

But France and Germany are both nations, thus if the communities are considered 'nations' as well, it would mean that they are equivalence of the two, and hence they would have no excuse to 'help' them.

What bullcrap right!!! Listen already make my blood boil. Chicken neh neh.

2011-02-08T01:17:00.001+08:00

Omggg i really miss play^2 ): so happy to see that they had an outing!!! ((((:

Kinda regret not meeting up with them during the holidays )):

2011-02-07T22:18:00.003+08:00

The wind is mad crazy over here ):

Over the weekend, I had/overheard a couple of pretty amusing conversations with regards to my race/nationality. I didn't realize that most Caucasians (i'm not sure if almost everyone is clueless about this) don't know the differentiation between Chinese Nationals and Chinese from other countries.

For example, this was the conversation that went on between me, hui, laura and lorna.
"Why are you guys celebrating Chinese New Year?"
"Err.. because we are Chinese?"
"No, you're not! You guys are Singaporean."
(At this point, I was abit wtf =.= shouldn't i know what race i am better than anyone else?)
"Chinese is our race, Singaporean is our nationality!"

So yeah, I was kinda surprised they didn't know, and we went on to clarify that we are Asian as well, because that's a geographical term, and that Japaneses and Koreans are not Chinese.

A girl i met on Friday kinda went through the same interrogation. This German girl asked if her parents migrated to China, that's why she's Malaysian. The look on her face was kinda o.O?"" And they find it confusing when we say our ancestors are from China, that's why we are Chinese.

It's funnier when you tell them that English is your first language, and they'll be all like WOW, you speak really well. =.=" I mean, i understand the reason why they say that, but I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to be er, flattered or insulted?

I guess that's a plus point about being Asian, you kinda know these things, and have a better understanding about all these race and nationality stuff. I understand that they are culturally constructed, but on the simplest level, it gives us our identity and i kinda wish they knew more about it.

2011-02-06T11:07:00.003+08:00

I'm still up. This is really bad.

Anyway, I was in the kitchen talking to my flatmates just now, and they were telling me about this English show called Take me out, and they insisted it is "SO GOOD!" Honestly, with no offense intended, I don't like any English shows other than Skins, which probably only appealed to me cause of its rawness.. but the storyline gets pretty stupid sometimes.

Apparently in the UK, The Inbetweeners is the equivalent of the Big Bang Theory. My friends swore that it was funny as hell, so the very first time i watched it, i had my hopes up high... only to see them crashing down into a pile of disbelief at how stupid a show can get. It was funny, because it was just plain stupid. You laughed because of the stupidity, not because it had any comedic essence in the plot. I was aghast at how they actually thought it was as good as TBBT =.=

And then there's X Factor and Britain's Got Talent. I think such reality talent shows are amazing as they let ordinary people showcase their talents, but I'm not a fan of X Factor, because in comparison with American Idol, the production quality is really bad. And BGT is alright but I HATE IT when the camera puts more focus on the reactions of the audience than the performance itself. It's like, OMG WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT!!!! and then phewwww CROWD CHEERING IN YOUR FACE. WHY ARE THEY CHEERING?!?!? DID HE/SHE DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLE THAT I MISSED?! Aiya, you get my point. I'm not interested in the crowds' reaction, not a single bit.

So yes, I am a fan of American shows, and pretty much every time someone tells me how good a particular English show is, I'll be polite but cynical.

I mean, what can beat the goodness of HIMYM and TBBT and GG and VD, right?

2011-02-04T23:24:00.002+08:00

HAIIII!!

Okay, I shouldn't have done that cause the book smells like pee >.< Ew. HAHA.

Working on my essay in the library right now and oooh, yien chyn just arrived. My study buddy that keeps pangseh-ing me ): haha, kidding. Weather is mega wtf today.. it's so windy!! Hui and i couldn't even work properly. Feels nice to be in a warm building right now :D

*

Ukublog day 5

I haven't practiced today, but I made a WHOLE LOT OF IMPROVEMENT LAST NIGHT!! So happy ^_^ I finally am able to at least sing the song out while playing. Before that, I couldn't even get pass the first verse without screwing up. I kinda figured out the problem - the strumming pattern kinda makes it hard for me to figure out a beat so i tweaked it a bit and it's a lot easier for me to switch between chords. Woohoo ^_^ Hopefully i can do a recording soon!

Love you guys <3

2011-02-03T22:41:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :D

Last year, day 7 of cny (: steamboat at elvis' :D

Sian, I'm super envious of all of you back home right now. I also wanna celebrate cny!!!!! The only CHINESE festival in the year and i have to miss it.. for 3 years. Sianzzzz.

So hope all you are having a mega awesome time and that everyone will have a good hand in gambling :D HAVE A GD TIME!!

*

Ukublog Day 4

I changed my choice of song to Anyone else but you by the Moldy Peaches, because there's only two chords in the entire song :D so it's way easier. However, I'm having a mega fucking hard time trying to sing while playing. It's so hardddd. My fingers don't hurt as much anymore, think I'm slowly getting used to it. Strumming still needs improvement though.

OKAY NEED TO DO WORK NAOZ

Ukublog Day 2

2011-02-02T01:08:00.002+08:00

Hola!

So it's day 2 :D Fingertips on my left hand are really tender, and I'm still having problems with finger arrangements ): Still practicing how to strum though, but i'm just happy i figured out how to 'chuck'. YouTube is a lifesaver <3

Kinda wish i brought my Sony T300 here with me, because the camera is way more portable then my Olympus (but it's so awesome so i can't overlook it i guess). I'm running out of space on this blog to upload pictures because of all the pictures from previous entries ): but i don't wanna change my domain and i don't wanna use photobucket (troublesome!)

I really need to get work done man, i'm such a procrastinator.

Ukublog Day 1

2011-01-31T23:13:00.003+08:00

Hello people!

So i've decided to try something new, and knowing how undedicated I am, I think that by blogging everything down, i'll have a wee bit more motivation to keep me going.

I bought a ukulele on amazon on Saturday, after watching Ryan Gosling play on the trailer of Blue Valentine. Haha, i know.. fangirling can make people really rash. So I've been watching ukulele tutorials and covers on Youtube, and I'm really excited about learning it. Sadly, because i made my order on a weekend, it would only be here on Monday, WHICH IS TODAY ^_^

So I collected my bigass box from reception about an hour ago, and have been attempting to learn some chords. Whew. Chuanyue and Charles both tried to teach me how to play the guitar before (Yes, i needed TWO people simultaneously helping me together haha) and because I didn't have a guitar of my own to practice, and i lacked the discipline nor a deep interest in the instrument to pick it up... after the pathetic attempt of learning how to play (for 30 minutes) we moved on with our lives :D

Since I'm in the UK, new place, new friends.. new hobby! I'm pretty useless IMO, so i guess learning an instrument would look pretty good.

I'm currently working on getting the F chord right. It's so tough because my fingers keep touching the strings that shouldn't be touched ): And they kinda hurt after all that pressing. My left hand is still trying to figure out what's the best and most comfortable way of arrangement.. and until i figure that out, I'll just continue doing the same thing over and over again.

C chord is really easy though :D Why can't all songs just be made up of C chords lol.

Wish me luck!

2011-01-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

Hello, weimin's friends ^__^ come here more often okay, click on the nuffnang ad -->

HAHAH :D